Self Acceptance

For a man with a small penis, one of the most difficult yet important things he will ever do, is learn to accept it.

It’s difficult for many reasons.

Most small penis men have been bombarded all their lives with verbal and visual reminders that they don’t measure up. That having a small penis means you’re inadequate in all aspects of your life, not just sex. You’ve seen average or large-sized men in locker rooms, public showers, public toilets, and in pornography, and thought something must be wrong with you. Perhaps you’ve been reminded of your small penis by other males (hazing or bullying), past or present partners, or even your wife. Maybe you’ve even been frustrated at not being able to find a condom that fits.

There’s also a never-ending focus on penis size in the media that continually reinforces the ‘size-matters’ mindset around you. Finally, if you’ve had any sexual experiences at all and your performance was judged to be inadequate, this serves to cement the notion that having a small penis is to blame.

So think about these things for a moment.

Have any of them happened to you?

Chances are, if you have a small penis you will certainly identify with one, or all of these scenarios.

While some average-sized men experience feelings of inadequacy when comparing themselves to large-penis men, they don’t really experience it on the level that a real small-dick man does. Even those suffering Small Penis Syndrome, who think their penis is small when it isn’t, often still manage to find love despite their psychological hang ups. While many real small dick guys find it very hard to meet a life long partner. In fact, many of you average or large-sized men may have bullied a small penis man in your life. Shame on you!

Women also have a hard time coming to grips with this, because they don’t understand the depth of our experiences, or what we think or feel. We often keep it to ourselves. So this is why men with small penises are like our own fraternity. We generally understand each other, because we’ve experienced the same things.

And to really confuse the matter, how many of you have heard other women say that size really doesn’t matter? This only muddies the water, and leaves us thoroughly confused. It often seems size doesn’t matter until they find out about our size, then it seems to matter a great deal. So if you think about all of this, is it really any wonder that most small penis men develop a serious complex?

The Defining Moment: Have You had One?

As a result of all of these life experiences small penis men seem to fall into one of three categories:

(1) Those Who Are Comfortable in their own skin: Some small penis men have the ability to overcome any perceived disadvantage, and function perfectly. For those in this category, they’ve been aware of their penis size, but it hasn’t affected their lives too much. They may suffer mild embarrassment when changing in public and cover up, or not use public urinals choosing to use the stalls instead, but otherwise they don’t really think about it that much. They are mostly comfortable in their own skin. If this is you, congratulations.

(2) Those Who Are Perpetually Frustrated: Unfortunately, some small penis men just can’t seem to build a bridge and get over it. Consequently, they live in a perpetual state of anxiety, frustration, and depression. Often developing internalised anger/bitterness at being short-changed. They’re unable to reconcile their emotions, and it becomes deeply ingrained in their personalities. We’ve encountered men like this who are still virgins after fifty due to their fears about their small penis. They develop a victim mentality about life, and how people treat them. If this is you, then please seek professional counselling.

(3) Those Who Eventually Accept Themselves: Accepting who you are (your strengths and limitations) is not always easy, but it’s important. The transition from being frustrated to self-acceptance is possible, but it also presents a challenge. Most small penis men who are able to accept themselves usually have a moment that is potentially their worst nightmare come true. A moment of potential or actual humiliation about their penis size. However, it turns out that facing their fear, frees them from it. Once they realise that it is fear holding them back, not their penis, they feel liberated. They fall in love with their small penis for the first time, and stop seeing it as a handicap to life.

One reader wrote to us and told us his story that illustrates this:

I was at the gym late one time and had just gone into the shower. No one else was there and I began showering. Shortly after another guy came into the shower and he was only about five-feet seven inches, tall with a slender build, but what caught my attention was he had an enormous penis. It had to be close to seven-inches long flaccid, just dangling between his legs. And it wasn’t just long, it was also thick. I had seen other large penises before, but there was something different this time. It’s hard to explain, but a lightbulb went on in my mind.

In the past I would have quickly turned away or left the shower immediately, but this time I didn’t. I was always one of those guys who would shower in record time, or always have a towel around me. But not this time, and I remember looking at his penis, and then down to my own and thought to myself: his penis is huge, while my penis is small. This is the first time I ever acknowledged to myself that I had a small penis. I had always known it, of course, but had never accepted it. Well, I had no idea what the impact that simple self-acknowledgement meant, but from that moment on everything changed. I no longer felt shame, guilt, or embarrassment at having a small penis. I began to actually like my small size. I began to like myself.

In thinking about this later, and this was a very important, I realised that just because I had a small penis, it didn’t make me any less of a man than other guy’s who are average or larger. It’s merely a physical difference. Some people are tall, some are short, some are skinny, some are overweight etc. It’s just merely a physical difference. I realised that this single physical characteristic doesn’t define who I am as person. That was a big moment for me, and it changed my life.

Sexual Confidence in the Bedroom

So how does all of this translate into having more sexual confidence in the bedroom? I read a great comment written by a woman one time that I would like to share with you that illustrates the importance of sexual confidence. She said, “Many women have told me their biggest frustration with lovers with small penises is less about their size, and more about their size insecurities paralysing them sexually. Confidence is not something the small penis man has to forgo.”

Likewise, I have heard many women say that one of the things that really excite them is a man who is sexually confident. Not cocky or arrogant, but confident. So, for starters, we have to realise there’s more to sex, and a good relationship, than the size of our penises. Women want a man who is fun, confident, and energetic, a good provider, a good husband, father, etc. If we have all of these attributes, are they likely to kick us to curb if we have a small penis? Of course not, but we often fail to realize that, or accept it. Research indicates that ‘great sex’ revolves around feeling connected, rather than any single sexual technique. or the size of the penis.

So realising the importance of sexual confidence is the first step. Here is a similar analogy, let’s say your wife has all of the attributes you were looking for in a woman such as being a good wife and mother, she’s attractive, as well as fun and imaginative in the bedroom, etc. If she had all of the attributes you wanted in a woman, but she had small breasts, would you kick her to the curb? Obviously you wouldn’t. So embracing the fact that your partner loves you regardless of any one physical attribute is the most important thing to remember.

Understanding Your Sexual Capabilities, Needs and Communicating Them

Readers of this site know we sometimes refer to learning to compensate for having a small penis. This shouldn’t be construed in a negative light, and might even be better said by referring to an old Clint Eastwood movie, in which he says, “A good man has to know his limitations.” This is true whether you have a big or small penis.

For example, if you had a huge penis, should you shove it down your partner’s throat, or impale them with it recklessly? That probably wouldn’t be much fun for them, and might also cause extreme pain. I seriously doubt that would be their idea of fun. So, a man with a large penis even has to think about how he approaches sex.

It’s the same general principle for small penis men.

For example, there can be certain sexual positions that aren’t as enjoyable for your partner because of your small size. There are heterosexual sexual positions mentioned on this site that offer more friction and a better depth of penetration for both of you. The best way to learn how to satisfy your partner, is ask them. However, if they give you negative feedback about your performance then you need to resist the urge to sulk about it. This is where you have to man up, and be open to changing things up in order to have a satisfying sexual relationship.

The art of sensual massage is something that can really enhance your sex life, and your partner’s enjoyment of sex. Many books are available that will teach you the techniques you need to learn, and with the willing support of a sexual partner, you can practice this until you have perfected it. Your partner will be like putty in your hands once you have loosened them up in this manner.

I have been told by married small penis men that often incorporating sex toys into their sex has been a great aid in ensuring their wives are fully satisfied. As women will know, there are certain times such as when she might be ovulating, where a little more length or thickness can feel really good for them. Those times are ideally suited for playing with a dildo. I’m sure many of our heterosexual readers have watched a woman pleasuring herself with a vibrator online or on a DVD. Imagine if that was your wife or girlfriend you could watch in real life.

The important part of incorporating toys into your sex life is to remember that you are doing to it for your partners benefit. You shouldn’t feel intimidated by dildos larger than your penis. I had an e-mail from a reader who told me that he uses a strap-on dildo on his wife often, and he loves making her climax hard with it. The pay off for him is that she always takes care of him in a most satisfying manner as well.

Besides, good communication, there are other things besides sex positions, toys, etc that is important as well. Remember the importance of not only learning, but mastering the art of oral sex. Men who are masters of oral sex will have very happy partners. Both sexes can have very powerful orgasms as a result of oral sex. This is always the fallback position for the small penis man. Men mistakenly think that it’s only sexual intercourse (penetration) that is important in sex. Gay’s and Lesbian’s have known forever that there are alternative methods of giving a partner an orgasm. This is what you need to learn.

There are many heterosexual men out there that just pump away until they orgasm, not even caring whether their partner orgasm’s or not. Some men are of course very good at sexual intercourse, but a lot of guys are average to poor. That’s why you hear women say they faked an orgasm just to get it over with. That’s the problem with men in general, to busy just thinking of his own orgasm, and not really putting any real effort to please his partner. This is your opportunity of a small penis man to be better than the average Joe, to use the techniques available to make a sexual partner very happy.

Lastly, I hope this article was at least somewhat helpful for those of you are having some trouble accepting your size. I also hope that you will experience your own ‘defining moment’ or epiphany sooner rather than later. And for the women out there, I hope this site provides you with a better understanding of some of the experiences or feelings that your own partner may have experienced on his journey.